The waiting has begun. Well, more waiting I suppose. The hard, second guessing everything and over-analyzing every twinge kind of waiting. We had our embryo transfer last Thursday. Everything went well during the thaw. I mostly knew it would, but there’s always that small chance of something going wrong. I didn’t focus on that. I did acupuncture right before (and after) the transfer and was feeling pretty at ease at that point. After we got called back to the transfer room, it was just a short wait until my RE brought me a picture of my precious little girl. There were two pictures actually. One was right after the thaw and the other was 4 hours later. I was relieved when I saw that in that short time she had already started hatching. To me, that meant that she hadn’t been harmed during the biopsy or thaw and was right back to growing strong again. My RE said, “Let’s give her something to attach to,” and just like that, my perfect baby was placed into my womb.
I’ve been following a post I came across about what happens after a 5-day transfer. It’s interesting to read about if you haven’t, and you can find it here. Yesterday I was at Day 4 after transfer, and on that day my little embaby is finding her way deeply into my uterus and attaching to the endometrial blood supply. Early in the morning I felt a sharp jab to my uterus that actually woke me up from sleep. It was over in an instant. I can’t help but think maybe this was my baby making that final journey deep into her nest.
Or it could have been unrelated. This is that time during IVF/FET when you really over-analyze absolutely every little thing your body does. The two week wait is a trickster. Every “symptom” could easily be explained away by all that progesterone, a pending period, or anything else really. Feeling so unsure about myself is something I’m not accustomed to, and it’s rather unsettling. More than ever I have to rely on trust and faith. Trust in the science that brought us to this point. Trust that this little embryo and my body know what to do and can do it. Trust and faith in the Divine that my prayers will be answered. Faith that this will really work. To hold space for that I must find my courage. I can do this.
Yesterday I went for a walk in the local arboretum. It’s a place of beauty, serene nature, and fond memories. It’s also home to a lovely labyrinth. Labyrinths are magical places and I feel lucky to have one so close by (although you could certainly make a simple one in your backyard or home with nothing but a long piece of yarn). Labyrinths are different from mazes. Mazes have multiple pathways, dead ends, and the correct path is hidden for you to deduce. Labyrinths have once path; it goes in then back out. There is no guessing or figuring. Walking the curving path creates a rhythm and lets the mind disconnect from everyday tasks and stressors. It’s a meditative practice. There are many different ways to mindfully walk a labyrinth.
In the spirit of connecting with my trust and faith, I began my path at the labyrinth opening by calling to the Divine and all of my spiritual and angelic helpers. As I walked the curving path toward the center I focused on my prayer – that my embryo transfer succeeds in blessing me with a healthy pregnancy and baby. I focused on this as I slowly walked with intention all the way to the center. Once there, I gave thanks. I am truly grateful for all the help and blessings I have received along this journey. I know that the Divine and my helpers have been watching over me all along, and have had a hand in all the amazing things that have miraculously gone right. As I wound in the reverse direction out of the labyrinth, I filled my heart with gratitude – including gratitude for the blessing that is growing inside my womb.