Eight days until our frozen embryo transfer (FET). We’re almost there. I wrote in my last post about my unexpected influx in anxiety and worry about this FET. I’ve been able to significantly reduce that, thankfully, and one of the major contributors to that reduction has been a meditation and visualization program that I’ve been doing daily. This program is specifically designed for the FET process by a company called Circle and Bloom. You can find it here. I’m not affiliated with the company in any way, and I’m not getting anything for this review, but it has been so helpful for me that I wanted to share. What I like best about this program is that it’s designed specifically for FETs so there are different meditations in the series for the various stages of the process. So it really “fits” with what my body is doing at the time. The guided instructions for focusing my attention, progressively relaxing my body, and fertility related visualizations help keep my wandering mind on target and allow me to fully melt into the experience. It’s really been a life saver. They also have a series specifically for IVF, which I did 3 years ago when I did my first IVF. I found both programs to be well worth the money, and I like that they have digital versions so I can listen to them on my phone or other device, wherever I am.
One thing that I really like about using meditation is that it helps to reset my mind so that I can leave the panic and “what if’s” behind and find a place of calm. And that is no easy task when you’re going through infertility treatments. In those moments of calm I’m better able to focus on what I’m grateful for and connect with the Divine. I can also more easily take solstice in my mantra: trust, faith, courage. Every day I’ve been reminding myself that worry and lamenting over the worst possible outcome will not change anything. It won’t prevent anything. Meditation has helped my calm my fears just enough so that I can say, “What if this does work…” rather than “what if it doesn’t”.
But meditation doesn’t have to be something formal. I think that anytime you find yourself completely immersed in the moment, that is a form of mediation too. I feel the same sense of calm when I’m talking a walk in nature, sitting in the sun, or engulfed in an art project. My husband took me to one of those painting and wine places, where you get a blank canvas and are instructed by a teacher on creating some picture. And there’s wine (which I drank, moderately, without guilt or worry). Aside from when we had to stop and sneak into the bathroom together so that my husband could give me a shot, gotta love this process, I literally didn’t think about anything other than the painting I was creating. It was a great break and so wonderful to connect with my husband for a fun date night. We laughed and teased each other. IVF is so all consuming that we often loose that joy, or at least misplace it for a while. So I’m going to continue my meditations, both the structured FET meditation series and the more fluid “in the moment” pleasures. I think this will help me come to my FET on the 10th holding a sacred space of readiness and welcome for my baby.